let it begin

If it is something makes me hesitate and frustrate more recently, probably be…

Early these days, I received the call and message from some of my classmates whom told me that it is the time for PBC enrolling fresh blood only from new campus-left guys this year. Actually, I know I am not very well versed in finance and macro-micro economics since I have drop them out of my mind long ago, just get an inkling of stock, mortgage or bond, let alone bank affairs, with addition of I don’t have enough spare time to go a wholly review for all range from that. It reminds me that three years ago, I failed to be registered into my favorite university…. Once bitten twice shy. Become so keen and cruel competition now since only 19 person could be competent out of total 10000 candidates, that is equivalent 1 by 500, incredible.

Like a donkey, just milling his lunch, who don’t even know clearly which terminus is truly belonging to him? How hateful the economics recession affect my job hunting process, all the sluggish even back up growth ratio make me concern every day, where is my next slice of bread, where I should take off really. Boring of these fruitless all rush about day around. Move my ass to bus hardly every morning, address that garbage problem and system bug running. Often being felt lonely after floated all day around and get back home late at night. Don’t like the shuttle bus, and the empty house, I am going to long for the stable pattern of living style indeed. How am I becoming to? If it is true, let it begin.

To this delicious solitude

Usher out of office, rush into home, on the bus, thinking is going to be rampant. As for late these years, I have almost been isolating from any delectable celebration, from out-door trip, from once intimate comrades, from my friend, my relative and become an all-in-one person, who was, is and will be immersed into a lot of piffling routine such as microwave up a cup of milk every night to do for life. If you’d like to point out that it could only be seems as survive, not thrive. Yes, exactly correct, yet how can I snap the singular conduit to the outside world instead of plug into a radiant socialization, and abandon this solo life style changing into a harmonious atmosphere, and commit to real enjoying self-motivate-oriented creation. That will be another situation which is dreading but a little expecting to achieve.

I’ve to admit that I want to throw my bulletproof shell away and put on a splendid suit instead, to go out for dinner with guys and gals. Hooray, I can’t find a decent description for the words “elegant bachelor” which afflict me with more predicament over these years, so just ginger up for the sunrise and hope rise, meanwhile, pick up the phone to send message to them, telling them, I miss you wholly.

plead and plead for...

Life should not be always like that, that complicated, and that is always not the case. Questioned everything that stumbled me regularly, figure out the reason why still being hesitated and don’t want to be uncovered. Like a splash running away quietly but quickly whisking off all the imaginations. The silly boss who is going to and forever to be seemed as foolish, arrogant wouldn’t be reluctant to realize which is significant, which is secondary position could be handled for time being. Upstanding the boring chatters and pettiness which are and always will be going to drive me crazy, I can’t map another way out definitely. My God. Why can’t I let the things happen instead of making them happen, that is a skill I should take care. Unyieldingly, fight with the numerous trifling every day, thrill to hate any more, worse yet, the situation don’t happen to be better off and most likely will be wiped off ultimately. Yelp for a kind of hope, which even is hatched at darkness however prospective, should not be perished from earth.

The road ahead is long and my climb will be steep, the dream hatched from this beginning depth winter and will not end at the middle of next spring with new vista more than you can imagine and beyond your measurement. Wake up every morning reluctantly with a disturbed dream, dream of being huddled around a forgotten corner of the world, solo. How can I pray the dream, for their prosperity, for their consistency, for their self-reliance, for their individual liberty?

Dear, help me please, plead and plead for…

Don't lose me

I don’t even have made some acquaintance with her, only feeling fellow which could direct me to another kingdom. Ups and downs, like the normal sense of life that attempt to convince everybody with its dignity and holy. Every time when the feeling like watching the sunset come to me, how much I want draw a curtain at that refraction, dissolving in my eyes, collapsing in front. Where are you now? Speak out your name loudly and throw it toward the bleak street to and fro.

It is all about mind

If it was once some place out there where I’ve still been missing so much, where had been immersing all the time, at largely supposed to be Changchun where produced all my splendid dream and also cherished them for a long time since I left, if any they had been buried all at once one day.

I’d taken a great span period there not only including my college life which filled with happiness plus lot sadness, it was be deemed as the spirit pool from which I can restore. The people, the house, the frigid winter night down street, the love stories, the gals and so many things always occur to me. I am chilling to image dispensing with all the memorable issues from day to day, it has become a tough nut to crack down I have to admit. Nightmare, weep and trickled down, scars can’t be hidden, no one can digest it, on one can return to, and no one can rescue me at that time. I’ve been putting myself into introspection. Beginning this year, I found it is a bit which beyond ones’ undertaking, insomuch as the more being injured, the deeply mind could spread.

Forgive and forget the thing passed by, focus on the effectiveness since I’ve got no alternative. Contrary to any others, it is so keen to dig out one life style which gear toward me, let along pave the way for different or roll out the mat for another. I’ve been realizing that every morning, so many people from with poverty and famine across the city or country who gambled all their lives in pursuit a hope and dreaming day. I moved.

What would I do without brushing up that which makes me wallow in sadness for almost three years? I don’t need it any more. Please go away from here.

Raison d’etre

So many time I asked myself, when half year has passed since graduated, what is my true plan and plot? How should I climb the ladder of future instead of declining down? How could I face up to the reality even if it seems like a little bit unpleasant? With growing up and become mature, I can’t stand up with lounging around all day without exact goal inspirited, sorta, I need fresh air to refresh my inspirations out of the routine tasks. Get a holistic view on the track I get through, I’m not meant pining a value on anything alone without comprehensive understanding and knowledge, I dare not to say which is dispensable and which is unnecessary a bit directly before taking a lot more time on contemplations. What I experienced most is that hidden myself behind a computer and dig the messy world out with the hope of finding even little valuable, once erobed confidence. Career ambition, greedy desire, fearful and vulnerable heart, I’ve been disturbed and damaged utterly, seize with a strong feeling of become taciturn, how can I pluck courage to face off to the contest from scratch, and notch up more prosperity again.

Still being suspicions.

Of course, I should.

Couldn't help thinking why lives are always being like this which filled with anxious, depression and even witness how you play a role of dream-killer by yourself, just still be curious about the meaning of work and life, your social connection circumstance and status, fell a lot more exhausted eventually. Why you were told which is which and which is significant, which should dig out which should churn out from numerous savvy information. You never doubt about your peerless ability or beauty however, you couldn’t avoid falling into a mood of bit gloomy and up set.

Dubbed” life is still full of sunny”, largely you can’t image how a person like yours endure the endless and incessant hopeless spirit, may be it is due to the disability of mapping out the new scenery after one day gone, may be you have the less factuality to pop into an elegant guy to who you’d have to consult even resort. How can you pluck up courage against a rainy day, and how can you put your hands on the arc of history and bend it more again toward a hope of better day? I asked, to myself with deeply meditation.