my heart, my mind

Sitting on the grassy grave, beneath the window of the church, was a battle where my mind and my heart struggle with each other always. The same voice in my mind that told me to act is also the same voice that ridicules me for making that choice. It seems like ridiculous a little and I spend lots of time trying to diagnose the source of this problem however, there are too many social conditionings covered up and obscured the process. It make be hard and headache indeed.

My heart is coming up with illness and frivolous so much as I don’t dare to make a choice any more, even if is easy and obvious, since how do I know for sure and how could I ensure that it is not just the what I think I should do?

My heart told me what he wants and where he can find the beauty sightseeing, on the other hand my mind told me what is suit for me and what is practical for me at a time. To take both of them to the courtroom, my mind will be the defendant and the plaintiff; my heart just sits in the center of the room to be as justice and judge. So the reason that I am trouble by the conflict turn out that my mind not only act as the role of prosecutor and defense but also take over the judge position, my mind should not be the judge who have the power of being symbolic truth direction. What is the main task for my mind is to conceptualize compares and organize the choices. My heart like a compass, just takes a bird eye to view all my life across the plaints, the mountains, the juggles, and say” where are you now, what direction you should go ”. Then my mind could make the decision and insure how to get it and keep safe. However, more often than not, I always confuse each other and replace them mostly, for example, when I make the order of mind that don’t think about anything, but my mind still working, when something happened, my mind always sorted them out to my experiences instead of the real truth themselves. They both can not get long well with each other that make me suffered more lately.

I have made my mind to create a marriage for this disparate pair, but it won’t be easy because I’ve doing that all wrong long time. Taming my mind to stop working when unnecessary, taking the decision just be myself, learning to make the process being simple, when is a incessant fight, I told myself” is the choice going with me or against me? ” so I can find the answer immediately evident, this become easy. Hope they won’t divorce sometime so their children, me, will not have the permanent emotional damage which have been suffering from for so long.

As Bruce Lee said” the height of cultivation always runs to simplicity” I believe it.